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Dead Pancreas Anxiety

My honest journey with Type 1 Diabetes and Mental Illness

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F@$k me this week has been hard. For more reasons than I can possibly share here. But in a word: CLOTHES. 👖👚 . If you've ever paused for a moment here you know I suffer from #bodydysmorphia and have a very negative body image. My #mentalillness struggles are exacerbated by my inability to see myself in a realistic manner. I've been in therapy for it, been on drugs for it, but like my other #mentalhealth struggles living through it ia what works best for me. But that doesn't mean it isn't challenging. Or soul crushing. 😟 . A pile of clothes and a lost #cgm sensor were part of the events inspiring this #blog post. And, as it is with all of my posts, this isn't a ploy for "likes" or sympathy. It's just me sharing my experiences in the hope they help someone else. 💙 . #mentalhealthblog #linkinbio #t1d #t1dandanxiety #weightgain #bodyimage #bodyissues #diabetes #depression #talkaboutmentalillness

Are you a number cruncher? Does getting your lab results give you #anxiety or cause you stress? I used to freak the f@$k out when I went to the doctor for my #bloodwork results. So much so I would cancel appointments and/or skip necessary blood tests. 😬 . Then one day, words I'd heard from my friend finally rang true: you are not your numbers. I realized that those numbers are there to help me. To help my support team help me. Those results are an opportunity to learn, gain insight and information. Those results should not cause us anxiety or stress. And the people who review them with us should NEVER make us feel ashamed or bad about them either. 🤨 . And trust me, I've had several medical professionals shame me for my #hba1c results. And I left their care. I felt those particular professionals were not embarking on a healthy journey with me. Negativity has no place in your relationship with your health care team. Walking away from those relationships empowered me, and encouraged me to be picky about my team. And to never again settle for less than I the help I deserve. 🙂 . My current team encourages me to look at my results, they have helped me better understand all the numbers on those lab work papers. Because of their support and access to a #cgm I have seen great improvement in my #diabetes management. 😊 . Proof is my latest results. #Dexcom predicted an A1C of 6.3% and I was so excited for that, I had not had a number that low since I was pregnant and testing every hour under the watchful eye of a specialist. When I logged on to see my results my bloodwork came back with an A1C of 6.1% and I nearly fell off my chair! I spent nearly two decades unable to get that number lower than 7% so for me this is a great achievement. 🤩 . Remember: we are all different. What works for you may not work for another. There is no such thing as a "bad diabetic" - keep doing your best. And reach out if you need support. 💙

Let's talk PMS. Let's talk (pre/peri) menopause. Menstrual cycles. And all the s@$t in between. Like bloating, pimples, breast tenderness, cramps, mood swings and emotions. Because all of it happens. Right?! And it can wreak havoc on your body. Whether you like it or not. 🤷‍♀️ . Over the last 18 months or so I've gained a crap ton of weight. My routines haven't changed, and if they have, only for the better. Yet, there's all those extra pounds. And when my time of the month (sometimes it's twice, as it was in December!) rolls around, so does an additional 5-10 lbs. Yep. I have "period clothes" - a designated wardrobe to accommodate all that extra me. 😐 . In addition to the bloat and weight gain comes a face full of pimples. No more how much water I drink or #cleaneating I do, those nasty little f@$ks pop up all over my face (especially my chin area - thanks hormones!). All of that does a number on my #selfesteem and my #mentalhealth and leads to some highly emotional moments. Not to mention what before/during/after does to my #bloodsugars and #T1D. 😪 . And it's at these moments I need kindness, but the one person I need it from can't offer it: ME. What I have gained is the ability to recognize these moments. And with that comes the opportunity to be gentler with my #selftalk. Have I perfected the process? HELL NO. But I'm working on it. 😉

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